I Miss My Bump

This post semi-kills me to write. When I was pregnant, I just wanted to be done. For a lot of reasons, but there were two big ones. The first, I am horrible at being the slightest bit uncomfortable, which meant the first trimester was hell due to my body adjusting to it's new occupant and the third trimester was not fun either due to the bowling ball growing in my belly and putting pressure on all of my organs.

The second - and bigger of the two - I just wanted to fast forward and have Henrik HERE and safe. I've said it many times - I would give anything to be 22 and clueless on how life works. Unfortunately, I know bad things can happen and just because you're pregnant, does not guarantee you a baby. I am generally just a worry-wart and every time Henrik would go more than 10 minutes without kicking, I would start to panic. Of course, it always turned out fine and now that he is here, I worry about new things.

So now that I'm not pregnant, it kills me to admit that I miss it a little. I was looking back at my belly pictures today and was feeling a little nostalgic. I look at each picture and recall the events going on around each week. From how excited I was when the tiniest pouch started to form to when there was an actual bump to when I was unmistakably pregnant, each picture shows my baby boy growing and gaining strength. I wasn't the best at taking pictures each week, but I am so glad I took them on a semi-regular basis. Even though I was miserable in 2/3 of the pictures, they already remind me of how incredibly HAPPY Bryan and I were to finally be expecting our first child.

The thing I miss the most is feeling his movements. It's amazing to see him moving in front of my eyes, but every once in awhile I'll catch myself waiting for the next kick to come from within me. I also miss my bump for silly reasons - like, being able to balance my drink on top of it and not worrying if my gut was sticking out or not.

For as short of a time as my bump was apart of me, it's amazing how fast I got used to it. Towards the end of my pregnancy, I could not turn a shopping car around in the middle of an aisle without moving out of the way of it. The other day, I went to turn a car around and found myself stepping to the side before I realized, I was skinny again and no longer needed to move out of the way. For 30 years I did not have to move for it and the two months in which my belly was too big, I trained myself to step out of the way. It just goes to show how aware of your belly you are 24/7 when you're pregnant.

There are a lot of things you cannot fully appreciate until you're able to look back. I now know how incredibly special your first pregnancy is. While all pregnancies are special, with the first one, everything is new and exciting. When people find out this is your first, they give you an extra special smile and that knowing nod as if to say "you're about to find out what everyone is talking about". The first one means baby showers and shopping for all things baby for the first time. Researching everything from diaper cream to strollers to baby furniture.

While we are definitely not ready to start trying for number two yet, it does make me smile to know that I will get to experience this at least one more time. Maybe even two more times (wink, wink). I know the second time around will be just as special, but in a different way. And judging by how fast time seems to go now that we have a baby, the time will be here before I know it.